I’m writing this blog on Veteran’s Day. But I didn’t need that official day to remind me how much soldiers sacrifice for our country. I’ve been working on a story that has kept that sacrifice top of mind.

What I’ve witnessed is that when a married soldier dies, so does a family. Photographer Dave Ko and I were invited into the inner sanctum of grief – a support group for the surviving spouses of soldiers killed in Iraq. It meets each week at Madigan Army Medical Center located in Tacoma.

Since this was a group founded by Madigan, I was expecting to be kept at a “military” distance. But both Dave and I were floored by the candor and bravery of the widows. I’m looking at my log sheet and I’ll share some examples:

“He was killed 14 months ago today. And people don’t understand that haven’t lost anybody that the 18th of every month for the rest of my life is not going to be a good day.”

-Katrina Rojas, whose husband Mike was killed by a homemade bomb

“Everybody is going to die eventually so people should just be more open to talk to the widows and not look at us like we are contagious.”

-Emily McFall, a war widow with three small children

“When people hear that your husband died in Iraq they’ll be like, ‘Oh, you know we shouldn’t even be there anyhow!’ Why would you say that to me? I mean, that makes it sound like my husband’s death was pointless. Yeah pointless. And no widow wants to believe that.”

-Hannah DeRoo, her husband Gabe was shot by a sniper when their son was 6 months old.

After the support group we went home with Hannah and saw how being a war widow imprints every corner of your life. There is a shrine to Gabe in the dining room and in the living room, a photo of Gabe Jr. on his father’s grave. In the bedroom, Hannah has framed the last flowers Gabe sent. They arrived a day after he died.

Powerful images, strong women. No wonder that long after this Veteran’s Day is over I’ll be thinking about Hannah and her “sisters”. Take a look at our story and you will too.